Garnet Valley High School Class of 1985

This little tirade is brought to you by the spam from Classmates dot com.

A long, long time ago, I created a profile on Classmates. It wasn't much of a profile. I don't even remember what year it was when I created it. 1990 something. I don't remember why either since I have my own domain with a rather obvious e-mail address to go with it (my first name at the domain name for the thick). I've since received the very occasional notification that someone is interested in me or has sent me mail or something. The problem is, I am not paying Classmates for their "Gold" package. As a result, I haven't the first clue as to who might be interested in me.

I don't really care enough to pay for gold to find out either. Anyone with an Internet account and a few working brain cells (there were a few people in my class with functioning brains, but not many) can use Google to find me. I am plastered all over the Internet now.

If you are a member of my high school class and want to get in touch with me, how about just sending me an e-mail? It isn't hard to do. Although if you send me mail from some service like hotmail you will probably get trapped in my spam filter which I never check. I don't want to deal with anonymous dweebs anyway. Be brave and use a real e-mail account. I can give you some reasonable assurance that I won't hunt you down and shoot you. After all, you are still alive now, right?

I also have an AIM account under a pseudonym. I just haven't felt like creating yet another account that has my actual name. You can use e-mail to ask me to add you to my buddies list. I am not visible to anyone not on my buddies list for reasons of privacy. All you need to do is give me your AIM name (and real name).

I probably won't remember you. So you will have to tell me who you are, what year you graduated if it wasn't 1985, etc. Feel free to include a small picture of yourself then and now.

If I do remember you, it could be for one of three reasons:

• You were a total asshole to me. I have not forgiven you.
• You were a friend of mine. I probably haven't forgiven you either.
• Other. You might have been a hot chick or something.

Try not to take it personally unless you fall into the asshole category. In that case, I'm actually surprised you aren't dead or in prison.